Screw being skinny!
I have absolutely zero passion in helping women “get skinny”. Zero. I literally don’t see the point. How is your self-worth so tied to the number on the scales?!
Whether you are a size 8 or a size 18, your mindset is the thing that will create greatness.
You might be wondering why I am so passionate about this!
So, I am going to tell you a little story. I know everyone loves a story.
Many years ago (when I was at school) I was not particularly fat or thin, but about average. I got bullied very badly for several reasons – mostly I was a bit of a wet blanket so I reckon in hindsight it was probably quite character building. At the time, however, it was absolutely brutal. I remember specifically, on a school camping trip in year 9, one of the boys tried to set me on fire because I was “so annoying”. Kids can be so cruel can’t they!
Anyway, to solve this little predicament, I ended up eating A LOT. I also started drinking alcohol at a very young age, because I loved the way I cared so little about things when I was drunk. There was a numbness that I craved and I knew I could only get it from alcohol. Fast forward a few years, and I had obviously put on a lot of weight – comfort eating and drinking is only going to take you one way, and that way is not up (apart from on the scales).
I started to tie my self-worth to the number I saw on the scales. I hated myself, and I mean truly hated myself. I attempted suicide several times, but thank goodness never completed the act. I started to eat more, knowing that I would put on more weight, and it would make me hate myself more, but for some reason that would bring me a small amount of satisfaction because there was feeling within the hate.
Following the self-hatred, I attempted to solve the weight gaining problems by cutting the fat off my body. OK, so I wasn’t a medical genius in my teenage years, but that was how my brain worked at the time. I was so desperately unhappy, and looking for any way out.
The thing is, I had always been very active. I started with ballet aged 5, followed on by horse-riding from age 11, and then weight training in my early 20’s and finally mixed martial arts which I started age 24.
Lack of exercise wasn’t the problem. It was everything else. I had a terrible diet, never drank water, and knew absolutely nothing about mindset. Remember these are the days before social media, and the internet were really a big thing. I had MySpace (like all the cool kids) and Bebo (like the even cooler kids) but the only people I followed were people in my social group – which as you can imagine was exceedingly small, and for the majority, quite unhelpful when it came to developing my attitude towards life.
Fast-forwarding again, this time to my late 20’s. By this point I had realised that the number on the scales didn’t represent me as a person. I had also realised that exercise alone wasn’t enough. Both very important lessons, however extremely hard for me to really believe.
Now at 32, I feel that it’s time for me to share my wisdom. I’ve been to some really dark places with my weight related battle. And while I don’t think you can ever become full accepting of something you have such an invested past in, I can categorically confirm that I do not tie my self-worth to the scales any longer. I can absolutely do my job whatever the number on the scales tells me, and I absolutely LOVE being strong over skinny.
Now it’s over to you. Have you had a similar battle with your weight, or your mindset? How do you feel about that dreaded number on the scales now? Do you prioritise being strong or skinny?
Feel free to email me hhhselfdefence@gmail.com – I would LOVE to hear your perspective!
Lots of love Helen xx
